The Moonies, EP 1 A Meeting of The Moonies
by Chibi Chibi Minako
Summary: The Moonies is a brand of silly fiction based on silly rumors regarding Sailor Moon. In this fic the cult, The Moonies, have a meeting where Diana is in trouble and Raye, Trista, Michelle and Hotarus abilities are put to the test.


Authors Note - I do not own Sailor Moon. This is a silly fic based on the characters of Sailor Moon. Tales of The Moonies was inspired by The Sailor Senshi Pages, Dumb Sailor Moon Rumors page.

A lot of this wont make sense without reading the Dumb Sailor Moon Rumors page. And while msot of this is based on that, I believe some of it I invented myself.

All mistakes including refering to the senshi by name while they are transformed, switching between Mina and Minako, misspelling Hotaru and others are all done on purpose. And no, I will not change to Japanese names.

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**T****ALES OF ****T****HE ****M****OONIES**

_**Episode 1**_

~A MEETING OF THE MOONIES~

The room was mostly dark. The table was long and the chairs were high-backed. Symbols were carved into the edge of the table. Above the only door in and out of the room a banner hang, it was torn and ragged. It said 'The Moonies' in pink letters and it was decorated with pictures of bunnies.

The shortest and pink hairediest of the senshi stood at the end of the table. The others, an array of coloured heads, faced her. Every one of the girls was in their sailor uniform. To the left of Rini was the meat-ball head.

"Rini? Perhaps we shouldn't-"

"Shut up Serena! Here, I'm in charge."

The rest of the senshi nodded in unison as Rini spoke.

"Hotaru, bring the culprit!" Rini demanded.

Rini's right hand girl Horuta got up and placed Diana on the table. As Horatu walked away her cyborg half glinted in the pale light, thrown by the candles placed around the room.

The kitten sat before Rini, her red eyes met Rini's defiantly.

"Diana, you have been proven guilty of being NEON PINK!!!"

"But small lady," Diana said sweetly. "I am not neon pink… obviously."

"Yaga." Trista spoke from the other end of the table. The senshi eyed her off carefully then turned back to Rini.

"I know you look grey Diana, but I have certain proof that you are indeed NEON PINK… even though you can't tell." Rini crossed her arms.

"Oh yeah?" Diana asked almost snidely. Then she turned sweet again. "What evidence is that small lady?"

Rini grinned at the kitten. Serena tugged on her arm.

"What is it meat-ball head?"

"Rini, don't be so mean, she's just a kitten…"

"Shut-up Serena or your out of the cult!"

The senshi all nodded. Serena put her hands on her lap.

"Diana, I read, on the internet, that you were NEON PINK, you just can't tell. Therefore it must be true!" Rini said.

Diana looked down.

"Now all that is left is to decide your punishment." Rini's eyes twinkled.

Serena stood up.

"Now, you little pain-in-the-neck! You are my future daughter, I forbid you from punishing Diana!"

"I am not your future daughter! I'm Raye's!"

The Moonies gasped.

"She just died my hair pink and gave me red eyes to make it LOOK like I'm yours."

Serena flopped into her chair.

"Wow Raye… That was a really bad plan. How did you think pink hair would make her look like me? Don't you think-"

"You meat-ball head! It wasn't my plan, it was future Raye's!"

"Raye, technically one day it will be your plan."

"AMY!!! Don't help her! Next you'll be telling me it's my fault there are no more crows at the shrine!"

"It is your fault Raye," Lita spoke up "you threw them in the sacred fire. No wonder the aren't coming back."

"I did not throw them in the fire!"

"Yes you did in the manga…" Amy corrected.

"QUIET!" Rini yelled. "We can get Raye more crows later, now we must decide about Diana."

A tiny tiny scout stood up in her chair, she is the tiniest of the scouts, even tinier than the shortest.

"Chibi Chibi." Said Chibi Chibi.

"I agree!" Said Minako loudly. "Chibi Chibi is totally right."

The senshi all nodded.

"I have a better idea." Rini said quietly. Her red eyes began to spark. Diana began to cower.

"No small lady, please. Not the microwave again."

Rini let out an evil laugh.

"Rini, you can't! Not again. Remember what happened last time! You can't keep putting the cats in the microwave! Rini, please don't do it!" Serena pleaded.

"I'm the cult leader… you can't stop me…" Rini taunted Serena and stuck her tongue out.

Sparks flew between the two and suddenly they began to wrestle at the end of the table and they screeched nonsense at each other.

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Darkness shadowed the two warring girls and the rest of the cult was left to its own devices.

"They'll be hours." Amy said.

"Yeah, while we wait let's play with your many gadgets Amy!" Lita said.

"Yeah, Amy! We want to play with all the extra stuff you get because you are the smartest and you can't do much else…" Minako said and began giggling to herself. "Bubbles blast…"

"I don't know Mina…" Raye said "Those Mercury Fire attacks I borrowed off her once were pretty good you know."

"Yeah well, that was a fluke… So how about it, Amy?"

"Well, actually I only have my Mercury computer… I don't know why everyone thinks I have more gadgets. My space pocket is full of other things… Do you guys think all I'm good for is being smart?"

There is a long pause.

"No Ames, of course not…" Another long pause. "What's a space pocket?"

"You mean you don't know, Mina?" Raye said in a patronising tone.

"No."

"We all have them Mina, look!" Lita began pulling things out of thin air…

"See you idiot, you really do have a lot in common with Meatball head, are you sure you aren't related." Raye said, pulling a crow out of her space pocket.

"Yeah you guys could be cousins!" Lita bounced up and down excitedly.

"Chibi, chibi chibi chibi chibi chibi?"

"Well, Chibi Chibi, at family reunions they turn up and Serena says 'gee, cousin Mina sure looks a lot like my friend Mina.' And Mina says 'gee, cousin Serena sure looks a lot like my friend Serena.' But they never figure it out." Amara points out.

"Chibi, chibi chibi figure chibi chibi?"

"Nope."

"Amara," Minako says "Are you a man?"

"No."

"Can you turn into a man?"

"No… Why?"

"Just something I heard…" Minako eyes the starlights, who are locked in a cage in the corner, questioningly.

"So Mina, what's in your space pocket?" Amy asks.

"Nothing, I didn't know I had one… Oh wait…" Minako pulls lollies out of thin air. "Hey that's where all my sweets go!"

Just then Artemis enters the room through a window and lands on the table. He sees Minako piling up lollies on the table.

"Ah, Mina… how did you find those?"

"We told her about the space pockets. Why, is it a problem Artemis? This something to do with your little crush?" Raye asks Artemis, she bends down and puts her head close to him… "You know the one…"

"Artemis!" Mina yells. "Did you hide all my lollies here?!"

"Well Mina, don't get angry now, but Luna said that's what she does to Serena… so I thought maybe it would work on you…"

"WHAT!" The warring girls from the end of the table come back into the dim light.

"LUNA!" Serena's face goes all red and her eyes get all small and black and she grows fangs. "YOU were the one who stole all my treats!"

Luna cowers on the table. "Now, now Serena. No need to get mad. I was just trying to help you be a better Sailor Scout."

There is a long pause…

"What's going on?" Asks Raye.

"Everything's stopped." Amy comments.

"You know," says Lita, "I think there is no where else to go with that. I mean Serena and Luna could argue. Rini and Serena could throw the cats in the microwave and make up… but then we're only going to come back to where we are now anyway so…"

"LET'S SKIP IT!" All the senshi yell together.

Serena leans back in her chair. "Okay, what do you say Rini?"

Rini regards the table cautiously. She sighs.

"Fine." She sits back in her seat.

"Okay so what were we saying?" Lita asks.

"We were just talking about Artemis' crush on Mina." Raye says, her eyes all squinty and evil.

"WHAT?" Minako and Artemis yell together.

"Artemis, I didn't know you felt that way?!" Minako gasps.

Artemis leans away from her.

"No Mina, I don't it's all…"

"A misunderstanding." The senshi say.

"It's always a misunderstanding, like when Diana came along." Raye says, with a sigh. She leans back from the table.

"But we all know that Diana isn't really your daughter, Artemis." Minako says leaning back like Raye.

"What, how?"

"Because, someone looked and we know that you haven't got…" Minako cuts off.

"Man-parts." Lita says leaning back.

"So you must have adopted Diana." Amy concludes not leaning back, but continuing to sit forward, looking at a textbook.

Artemis blushes. "Who looked?"

"Someone on the internet…" Minako comments.

"What I want to know," Lita says. "Is how did Luna and Artemis find another cat that just so happened to have a crescent moon on its forehead and could talk?"

The others all pause and look at each other.

"Isn't it a bit weird though," Amara says "that someone who doesn't even know Artemis looked?"

Michelle leans over and wraps her arms around Amara in a lovers embrace.

"It's okay sis, don't think about it."

"Sis?!" Amara yells, her face looking all stricken.

"What's wrong, cuz?" Michelle asks.

"Sister? Cousin? How can we- I mean if we're related then- But- What?!"

Minako begins to join her. "But- What- Say now- How- But you! But I- And we- How- Since when- I- Yaga- Chibi chibi- What!"

Everyone eyes Minako cautiously.

"Mina, why'd you do that?" Amy asks quietly. All the senshi lean in towards the table.

"I'm just confused. I though Amara and Michelle were just dating 'til Amara got a boyfriend. How can they be cousins… unless…" Minako gets real close to Amara's face. "Unless… you actually… are…"

"Mina. I am not a man!" Amara retorts.

Minako backs away slowly, keeping a suspecting gaze on Amara.

"But Mina, you don't have to talk in fragments just because you're confused." Lita adds in.

Minako whips around a startled look on her face.

"Whhhaaaatttt?"

Lita shrugs.

"Well, you don't."

"Come on guys get back on topic." Raye growls. "Why'd you call this meeting anyway Rini?"

"Well," Begins the leader of the Moonies. "Apart from the fact that Diana is a neon pink secret keeper, we need to decide who is the most psychic out of Mars, Saturn, Pluto and Neptune."

Raye and Michelle eye each other off. Trista looks calmly into the distance and Hotaru watches her leaders every move.

"I've been the one all along to predict the enemies, it's not fair these guys come along and take all the glory." Raye yells down the table.

"Gee, Raye chill out would ya. You're acting like such a child."

"Shut up Meatball head! You'd know all about it wouldn't you!"

"Take that back, Raye! You're so… so… mean…"

Serena breaks out into tears, Raye gets up to stand over her and yells at her as she cries.

"Well, that takes Mars out of the running. And Pluto isn't allowed to be most psychic, she's disqualified." Rini retorts.

Raye and Serena have begun a tongue war and stand in the background, sparks flying.

"Why can't Sailor Pluto be most psychic?" Hotaru asks quietly.

"Yaga?" Says Trista from her end of the table.

"Cause she cheats by having power over time!"

"Yaga, Small Lady." Trista bows her head.

"And all she can say is Yaga." Shouts Seiya from the cage.

All the senshi, including Raye and Serena stand up and glare at her for a long moment. Seiya shrinks back into the shadows of the cage and they return to what they were doing.

"So I have devised a fool-proof way to decide who is most psychic." Rini announces.

"What is it, Rini?" Hotarus small voice barely reaches Trista down the end.

"Hotaru, TRANSFORM!"

Hotaru's metal cyborg components began to shift and turn until her half human-self sits inside an armored car. Rini turns from Hotaru and looks at Michelle.

"So Michelle, how are you prepared against the on-coming zombie invasion?"

The table, including Raye and Serena who have nearly passed out from using all their energy to fight, look at Michelle. She shrinks back into her seat.

"Deep… Submerge…E?" She says.

They all stare at her. Then she begins to laugh, they all begin to laugh. Everyone sits back down, laughing. Raye and Serena fall on the floor and lie there, laughing.

Raye and Serena return to their seats. Serena puts her head down and begins to snore and the laughter dies down into left-over giggles.

"Okay, okay…" Michelle says, catching her breath. "I confess Hotaru is the most psychic."

At which point Hotaru transforms back into herself and sits down, an unusual triumphant smile on her face.

"Okay," Rini stands up. "I declare this meeting of the Moonies over."

The senshi talk amongst themselves as they rise to leave. Suddenly a rose lands in the middle of the table.

"Fair senshi, it is I, Tuxedo Mask, here to save the day."

Serena rolls her head onto its side. "5 more minutes."

"No one's in trouble here, cape boy." Raye growls.

"Yeah, besides aren't you captured by the negaverse or something? That seems to happen a lot." Lita adds.

Tuxedo Mask launches into a speech about defending innocent girls from the wrongs of evil.

The scouts turn to Rini as Luna jumps on her shoulder and whispers in her ear.

"What are we gonna do about this nuciance?" Amara asks.

"And quickly, while Meatball head's asleep." Raye adds.

An evil grin crosses Rini's face as Luna whispers into her ear again. She looks Tuxedo Mask up and down as he rambles on.

"I think I have a microwave big enough."

The End

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Authors Note: Episode 1 in no way indiactes there will be another episode, this is a complete story. Episode 2, if it ever comes to exist, will be a completely new story. This is due to the random nature of the text.


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